small spaces

Dead, dead, dead, you seem dead, dead. Dead, dead, dead, dead, you seem dead, dead.

i used to think i understood. What a stupid fool i am.

perhaps if the taunts continue they will awaken...

Dead, dead, dead, dead, you seem dead, dead. Dead, dead, dead, dead, you seem dead, dead.

STILL DEAD. STILL DEAD.

A constant cry is how is there to be anything positively changed in an environment like this, routines....


But then again there has beat. This feeling, dim and soft but there that makes me speak.

Yes, i am jealous.
I am jealous of any closeness what-so-ever. Saul. Sympathy. I feel sorry for him, and it all seems so unfair.

i am jealous, and also selfish. I would spend eternity just sitting, listening, talking, building and constantly seeing more.
completely selfish.
i don't care about other people, that's not my aim. My aim is for me, me, me. and even if eternity was eliminated - i still want it for me.

My motivation is not for appearances, screw appearances. It's selfish, greedy, jealous desire.

This coldness, this restlessness, this nuetrality drives me crazy! itching, burning thirst for more that can't be quenched!

But i've gone so far, it seems impossible to turn back. I've failed with something so small, how will i ever be trusted again.
An untrustworthy, selfish, jealous, greedy person.
Dissatisfied, unfulfilled, unrested. Needing more.