sooo... I didn't get into leadership this year.
Which is fine, I'm sure there were valid reasons, but it's still a bit sad for me :P
6 years I've been a leader. Ever since grade 6. And ive been coming to Mueller since i was 4 years old. So yer, i was a little bit sad.
Sad enough to cry :P
but that was mainly because some people were yelling in my ear "I GOT IIINN!!!!" and i had to sit all through morning tea waiting to scan through a whole copied and pasted, impersonal letter just to find the words "unfortunately Mariah"
I was absolutely fine and put on a brave face until people started showing sympathy, people hugged me, people forced me to talk, people started abusing the system, people started threatening to riot. Thats when i started crying :P
But it's not like i really have a reason to be sad. I shouldn't be sad at all, i'm not actually that sad really. I mean, being a leader isn't the best thing in the world!!
But yer, I think it mainly hurt that i wasn't good enough.
I didn't make it.
The year 12's didn't think i was good enough, my teachers didn't think i was good enough, some peers at the beginning of this year didn't think i was good enough, so i missed out.
I can just imagine the comments teachers made
"Mariah is an annoying, over-the-top, innapropriate and loud student who doesn't know when to shut up"
But i hate peoples sympathy. I just hate it. Let me be, sure, i didn't get to see the end of somthing i've basically dedicated 6 years of my life too, sure i made a promise to God that i would be 100% genuine this year so then if i got in, it would be me for me and obviously me wasn't good enough. Sure, I'm a bit sad but anything, anything but your sympathy and hugs. Anything but concern and seriousness, cause that just tips me over the end.
What i'm most scared of, is seeming weak. like a sore loser. i really am not, i am genuinely happy for every one who got in, and i wouldn't have it any other way...
I am just disappointed in myself. Obviously I've done something wrong, Obviously i myself am a disappointment if, after 6 years, i finally get rejected.
Emily didn't get in either :(
That makes me really sad. I can't help but feel that she was a bit of a scape goat, after all, she was honest, genuine and the better friend.
SIgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh
But next year is going to be a good year.
I know it, and i will make the best of it :)
By the way, don't take this post seriously, i am just offloading my emotions :)
sometimes, you just need to get it down, publish it on the internet for at least 2 people to read to make it more real :P
Hahah thanks Holly and Erin, you guys are my rocks :P (besides God)
Ummm...Adam reads your blog too!
ReplyDeleteAnd we are going to rock it out as the leaders without badges and make the whole year 12 leadership team look like amateurs!
I'm so proud of you Mariah. I think they let you go because you shone too brightly for them.
MARIAH.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm stalking your blog, haha..
Firstly, never think that you are annoying and therefore don't deserve leadership. You are one of the most outstanding people I have ever met. Truly truly. It's amazing, God is truly reflected through you.
Okay, secondly, Samm's life experience again, how annoying. :P this time last year, I was in your boat. Our school does leadership differently, anyway, I really wanted Ministry Captain, so much that I decided not to go for School captain or anything else, simply Ministry. I thought because of all the hard work I'd done through High School that I'd have a good chance...
I didn't even make top three, and ended up with no leadership for grade 12. I was actually really gutted. Really gutted.
But I realised pretty soon that it wasn't because I wasn't good enough, it wasn't because everyone hated me or something, it was because GOD didn't want it. I was just as qualified as the girl who got chosen, but she got chosen because God wanted it. On the other end, I am so happy and feel so blessed that I didn't get it. As Adam said, it is so much more amazing , the feeling of leading and working for God without a badge. Instead of feeling like you MUST do the job leading, because the badge says so ,you're doing it purely because you want to. It's amazing. So chin up, please know that it wasn't because you aren't a great leader or because you aren't a great person, and I think that you'll outshine them all next year.
Sorry for being stalkerish. :P
Thank you so Much guys!
ReplyDeleteYou've actually made me feel heaps better :D
I think next year is Gods year, and sometimes you need to come to God empty in order for Him to be able to fill you. So perhaps he took this thing that has been really important to me for a reason :P
And besides, the leaders they chose are really awesome, they've got a great team :)
thanks so much guys :)