Who am I? What am I? What is life? Is life simply defined by the breaths we take? Are we really just an evolusionised version of monkeys? Then what are souls and spirits? Which philosophy to go by? Do good, don't do bad... what is good? What is the definition of good??
By this worlds standards I am a good girl. I don't drink, i don't smoke, i don't party, I do well in school, I've never had a formal detention and I am a christian. I am a goody-goody. So why then did i feel so bad when i read 2 Corinthians 5:10? Because deep down i know that i am a bad person, an awful one. Even though I have faith i am going to heaven, i am not sure i am prepared to get what i deserve, infact, i'm not sure i've done ANYTHING good in my life... Nothing worth recording or remembering. What IS the definition of good? How are you sposed to do "good" if you don't know what "good" is.
I wish I had a spirit guide that showed me which direction to go and led me to do everything good in my life. Apparently there is already one available, the Holy Spirit. I've had the holy spirit in me for a while now but i can't feel it. Perhaps my life is to clogged up with wordly and sinful things to really let it work...
- my diary early last year
Now, i just found that today and I found it quite intereting. You might read it and think that i wasn't a christian when i wrote it. I was, i was just trying to see things from other peoples perspective. I also found it difficult to (argh i don't know the right word here) believe, put my faith in or just get close to a God that i couldn't feel. I mean, i was always hearing of all these fantastic Christians who feel God whereever they go, and they have such immense faith and stuff... and i just wondered why that feeling just seemed to come and go. Kind of like a shooting star: spectacular, when you see it...
Any way, the reason i am showing this is because i think that a lot of us go through this. When you kind of feel like God isn't there and you feel confused about the world. A little while ago Erin and I decided to do a 30 day challenge, where we read little sections of the bible every day and pray for our biggest prayer request. I have stuck to this plan, and boy, it is so good getting close to God. Then i realised: we have to be the ones to make the effort with God and we can't be fickle when spending time with Him. And we can''t rely on those shooting stars - however wonderful they are. Draw near to me and I will draw near to you.
I stumbed across this today, and i sincerely hope this prayer applies to you.
2 Kings 6:17 'And Elisha prayed "Oh LORD, open his eyes so he can see." '
I want to see, and i want you to see too.
Anyway, that's what's been going on in my mind recently. I hope I made sense and i hope that you can get something out of it. I mean seriously, God is the King of the Universe, and we expect HIM to come to US??! Regardless of how ridiculous it seems, He does come to us. We just can't see Him with our eyes shut.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Accidental POST!!!
Oh no!! I've wound myself into a horrible trap... since i've posted that one post, i can't seem to stop writing posts!!! LITERALLY!!!
It was a great feeling though, when big blue letters came up on the screen "You have successfully posted your post" (or whatever it says)but it only gave me two options... to edit my other post... or to write a new one!!!!! Argh!! I am trapped in a disgusting cycle!! But i am loving it... i am sitting on the edge of my seat loving every minute of it!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THIS?!?!?!
Oh well, i guess i should make use of my time here. Maybe tell you a bit about myself... maybe stuff that you don't already know!!! (probably should've done this in the first posts but OH WELL)
okay, here goes.
THE UGLY TRUTH
I am Mariah. There is more to me than just a bushy eyebrowed brace face...a darker side which i have managed to keep semi concealed for a long time now... until today... *Climatic music*
There are a few things about Mariah that I think you should know:
#1. Mariah never burps or does ANYTHING remotely unlady-like
#2. Mariah just lied.
#3. Mariah sometimes blurts things out that she doesn't want others to know.
#4. Mariah hates brussil sprouts
#5. Mariah prefers BBQ over tomato sauce.
#6. Mariah is scared of water where she can't see the bottom.
#7. Mariah HATES vomiting.
#8. Mariah prefers silver to gold.
#9. Mariah doesn't know what else to write.
to be continued...
It was a great feeling though, when big blue letters came up on the screen "You have successfully posted your post" (or whatever it says)but it only gave me two options... to edit my other post... or to write a new one!!!!! Argh!! I am trapped in a disgusting cycle!! But i am loving it... i am sitting on the edge of my seat loving every minute of it!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF SICK JOKE IS THIS?!?!?!
Oh well, i guess i should make use of my time here. Maybe tell you a bit about myself... maybe stuff that you don't already know!!! (probably should've done this in the first posts but OH WELL)
okay, here goes.
THE UGLY TRUTH
I am Mariah. There is more to me than just a bushy eyebrowed brace face...a darker side which i have managed to keep semi concealed for a long time now... until today... *Climatic music*
There are a few things about Mariah that I think you should know:
#1. Mariah never burps or does ANYTHING remotely unlady-like
#2. Mariah just lied.
#3. Mariah sometimes blurts things out that she doesn't want others to know.
#4. Mariah hates brussil sprouts
#5. Mariah prefers BBQ over tomato sauce.
#6. Mariah is scared of water where she can't see the bottom.
#7. Mariah HATES vomiting.
#8. Mariah prefers silver to gold.
#9. Mariah doesn't know what else to write.
to be continued...
How well do you know Mariah Hardy?
mmm... wow. this is my first blog post yet and i am actually quite excited about it. WHat to write about though. Oh Gosh... I'm so nervous!!! Calm down Mariah. CALM DOWN!!! Deeeep breathssss.
Well, maybe i should start with the fact that it is new years day today. How refreshing. The first day of a fantabulous year, i can just feel it in my bones. But i can't help but feel scared about the year to come....
I remember as a small child me, Emily, Holly and Cat would pretend to be in a band, or be secret spies, or be ordinary girls with boyfriends. Or i remember times when Cat and I would ride wild stallions, Mine was black and hers was white (although, i think we swapped them around regularly, we both got jealous of eachothers horses)Or Emily and I would pretend to be Egyptians, I was the Queen, she was the slave (don't worry, she always WANTED to be the slave) or when Holly and I pretended to be stranded and we had to build our shelters... i forget what that game was called... but the point is that in all of these games, we were almost 90% of the time pretending we were 16. Now just dwell on this for a moment:
This year is our 16th year.
I find that a little scary. I mean, Block exams, year 11 camp, STudent leadership, some of us will be getting their learners and..and... we will be 16. Sixteen. zestien. ستة عشر. onaltı. seize. SIXTEEN!!!!
Oh well. I guess i don't have much to worry about, i mean... i only just turned 15. So "16. Sixteen. zestien. ستة عشر. onaltı. seize. SIXTEEN!!!!" is actually quite a long way off for me. I guess we all just have to put the whole year in Gods hands, and see where He takes us. I think New Years day is the perfect day to do just that.
Okay, well enough dwelling on the year ahead. I want to dwell on the past!!! Starting from... approximately 17 hours ago. Me, Holly,Ollaystud, William is WIlliam at Adams place for New Years Eve celebrations. We listened to music, made labels, went bushwalking, played half a game of Articulate, drank yummy stuff, recapped on viewpoints to "Earth intruder", ate, listened to music, ate some more, discovered i am not the only one on the planet who loves Arrested Development (I've waited 5 years for the day!!!), watched Master of disguise...while eating,jumped on the trampoline under the full moon and then to top it all off, we watched the spectacularly amazing pixie dust fireworks as we welcomed the new year. It was truly magical. As i watched the fireworks, i couldn't help but thank God for all He had done for me and my friends in 2009. *sigh* I'm sure there are things i've forgotten...
oh well. Right now, i am sitting at the computer with a mountain of tissues infront of me. Kate, if you ever read this, please stop reading right now.
I woke up this morning feeling absolutely terrible. I was thinking about last night and my wonderful friends, but i couldn't help but feel a horrible feeling in my stomach. What could this feeling be?? Hate?? DO i hate my art buddies?? Jealousy?? Guilt?? Despise?? Anger, did they offend me?? Did I do something to them??
Wrong. I got out of bed, shivering on a hot day and ran for the toilet. Blaaaaaaaagh. and i missed. And i had to clean it up. I'm the only one awake right now. The vomit went up my nose too, and i can still taste it in my mouth. I am sneezing and the snot is so disgusting, i can see little chunks of vomit in it. It turns out I don't have negative feelings towards my friends... i was just physically sick. thank goodness for that. And no, last night we were not "DRUNK!" as Adam kept repeating, I just simply gorged myself on too much food and yummy drink, jumped on the trampoline, continued eating jelly beans and then jumped on the trampoline again. *sigh*
This has turned out to be a rather long, boring first ever post so i'd better leave it there. And Erin, we were thinking of you. I'm sure you were having great fun with your cousins though =]
Well, maybe i should start with the fact that it is new years day today. How refreshing. The first day of a fantabulous year, i can just feel it in my bones. But i can't help but feel scared about the year to come....
I remember as a small child me, Emily, Holly and Cat would pretend to be in a band, or be secret spies, or be ordinary girls with boyfriends. Or i remember times when Cat and I would ride wild stallions, Mine was black and hers was white (although, i think we swapped them around regularly, we both got jealous of eachothers horses)Or Emily and I would pretend to be Egyptians, I was the Queen, she was the slave (don't worry, she always WANTED to be the slave) or when Holly and I pretended to be stranded and we had to build our shelters... i forget what that game was called... but the point is that in all of these games, we were almost 90% of the time pretending we were 16. Now just dwell on this for a moment:
This year is our 16th year.
I find that a little scary. I mean, Block exams, year 11 camp, STudent leadership, some of us will be getting their learners and..and... we will be 16. Sixteen. zestien. ستة عشر. onaltı. seize. SIXTEEN!!!!
Oh well. I guess i don't have much to worry about, i mean... i only just turned 15. So "16. Sixteen. zestien. ستة عشر. onaltı. seize. SIXTEEN!!!!" is actually quite a long way off for me. I guess we all just have to put the whole year in Gods hands, and see where He takes us. I think New Years day is the perfect day to do just that.
Okay, well enough dwelling on the year ahead. I want to dwell on the past!!! Starting from... approximately 17 hours ago. Me, Holly,Ollaystud, William is WIlliam at Adams place for New Years Eve celebrations. We listened to music, made labels, went bushwalking, played half a game of Articulate, drank yummy stuff, recapped on viewpoints to "Earth intruder", ate, listened to music, ate some more, discovered i am not the only one on the planet who loves Arrested Development (I've waited 5 years for the day!!!), watched Master of disguise...while eating,jumped on the trampoline under the full moon and then to top it all off, we watched the spectacularly amazing pixie dust fireworks as we welcomed the new year. It was truly magical. As i watched the fireworks, i couldn't help but thank God for all He had done for me and my friends in 2009. *sigh* I'm sure there are things i've forgotten...
oh well. Right now, i am sitting at the computer with a mountain of tissues infront of me. Kate, if you ever read this, please stop reading right now.
I woke up this morning feeling absolutely terrible. I was thinking about last night and my wonderful friends, but i couldn't help but feel a horrible feeling in my stomach. What could this feeling be?? Hate?? DO i hate my art buddies?? Jealousy?? Guilt?? Despise?? Anger, did they offend me?? Did I do something to them??
Wrong. I got out of bed, shivering on a hot day and ran for the toilet. Blaaaaaaaagh. and i missed. And i had to clean it up. I'm the only one awake right now. The vomit went up my nose too, and i can still taste it in my mouth. I am sneezing and the snot is so disgusting, i can see little chunks of vomit in it. It turns out I don't have negative feelings towards my friends... i was just physically sick. thank goodness for that. And no, last night we were not "DRUNK!" as Adam kept repeating, I just simply gorged myself on too much food and yummy drink, jumped on the trampoline, continued eating jelly beans and then jumped on the trampoline again. *sigh*
This has turned out to be a rather long, boring first ever post so i'd better leave it there. And Erin, we were thinking of you. I'm sure you were having great fun with your cousins though =]
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